Are suicidal thoughts provoked my impatience or hopelessness?

to sit down and tell you this, if i had no faith in God and no hope, i would not had the will to go though a 14 hour surgery to fight and beat cancer. and to sit down and tell you you will meet some one, no i cannot tell you this, not everyone meets someone, but you can have fun going out and finding someone. have you tried groups, not the depression groups, single dance groups, not bars, join a club, elks or a charity group, here i am going in the wrong direction here. i think.....to hit rock bottom, to find total hoplessness and not know where to go, the only way is up. have you ever just gone fishing....? just sit by the banks of a river, away from any traffic, or noise, just fish, listen to nature, peace, relax let your mind relax forget your problems, just fish. even if you dont catch anything. watch the water flow by, the birds fly, the trees move in the wind. all that is hope. living hope. just lay back and watch the clouds float by. and you want to leave all this. i do this when things get so crazy i dont know which way to turn. i get in the car, find my dirt road and go fishing. get away, it smooths me, calms me down.. i really know i off on the wrong track now.....yes you can change your furture, pick your self up by the so called bootstraps, and change your direction. i was in a basement apt, lost my home, by myself, i got out, joined a few clubs, made friends, found my new husband. but did not know that in 12 years an accident was going to turn our lives upside down. but now we have a goddaughter living accross the street, she is 16 months,, we could not live without her. we now have a grandson on the way. our son and wife are moving to fl in a year to be closer to us. if i killed myself over my cancer, i would have lost these few little things i now have in my life, yes i deal with my husband's now brain damange and seizures, but i have new things to enjoy. life has it ups and a lot of downs, you remember i call them "speedbumps" you never know what is over the next "speedbump" and by the way everyone is impaintaint to a point.