Can you review my essay and give me some suggestions?

Check your grammar, I had trouble understanding the second paragraph and the third one had a few mistakes. In your conclusion don't say "I" unless your teacher told you to, my teachers say never say "I" in an informative essay. Just state it as a fact. I think you thesis could use some work too, but it's not too bad. On a scale of 1-9 (9 being A, 8 being A, 7 being A, 6, 5 both B, 4,3, Both C and 2 &1 are D, with 0 =0 I would give it a 4. Good information just needs checking, especially the second paragraph I didn't know what you were talking about.